Fear is a normal human reaction. We would not have survived as a species without it. In daily life, however, most of the time, we harbour several fears that are often disproportionate, irrational, exaggerated or even unconscious. They become an obstacle to personal and professional development, proper business operation, teamwork and effectiveness in general. If not controlled, they often produce conflicts or prevent us from resolving them.
When I coach farmers, communication problems often originate in their fears:
- “It irritates me when he goes along behind me to ‘redo’ my work or what I’ve said and talks to me in a disrespectful way.”
- “I would like to retire and rest a little. I’m tired. I would like to work fewer hours, but my son calls me the moment I’m not on the farm.”
- “I have the impression that I do more than my brother does, that he gets the best jobs and that I’m treated as if I were an employee.”
Have you told yourself any of that?
Very often, agricultural producers tell me that they have shared very little about what they want or don’t want, their fears, needs and limitations.
Why? Because they are afraid of:
- Being judged
- Being challenged or openly criticized/publicly ridiculed
- Being dominated
- Being betrayed
- Being misunderstood
- Being used and manipulated
- Revealing a weakness, being seen as incompetent
- Feeling bad
- Other people’s reactions
- Not being loved anymore
- Not being respected anymore
- Creating a conflict
And you? What fears hinder you in your work and daily life?
What is the effect of those fears:
- On your work relations?
- On your teamwork?
- On the smooth functioning of a future meeting?
- On your ability to give and ask for all the information necessary to make the best possible decisions?
- On your effectiveness?
- On your profitability?
When you feel uncomfortable or unable to correctly formulate what you are thinking, ask yourself:
- What am I afraid of?
- What is the basis of my fear? (For example: I’m afraid I won’t be respected anymore because I mention that I’m tired.)
- If that were to really happen, would it be all that bad?
- Could I live with the consequences?
- What are consequences of not talking over the short-, medium-and long-term?
- Are the consequences of not talking more harmful than talking?
Confronting our fears is often less harmful than the problems caused by harbouring them. Remember that:
- 40% of our worries are about events that never happen;
- 30% of our worries are about events that have already happened;
- 22% of our worries are about harmless events;
- 4% of our worries are about events we can do nothing about;
- 4% of our worries are about real events over which we have some power.
“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.” Mark Twain
Pierrette Desrosiers,
Work Psychologist, professionnal speaker, author and business coach
Leave A Comment