“I am like my father and grandfather. We are all a bit hot headed. We get angry quickly, but we cool down fast. The problem is that when I’m angry, I don’t really think about what I’m saying or doing.”
Strong emotions, both positive and negative, have a significant effect on judgment. However, some people’s hot-tempered and impulsive character can have destructive consequences for themselves and for those close to them. When in a state of anger, they will say things that can cause long-term harm to others.
These people with short fuses have quick reactions. However, except in cases of severe mental illness or dementia, we are always responsible for our reactions.
It must be remembered that we have a great deal, a little bit or no influence at all on people and events. However, our reactions to these people or events are totally our own.
For example, it rains on the hay. You can mow it or not, but one thing is sure: you cannot influence the weather. Cry, swear, have a tantrum? For how long? An hour, a day, a week, a month, or all year long?
It’s up to you to decide. For help when you are angry for all kinds of “good reasons,” go to the mirror, look yourself right in the eye and ask yourself:
How much time do I want to invest in this issue?
How much time do I want to lose to anger?
How many of the lives around me do I want to poison?
Anger management tips:
· Anticipate an event and prepare for it. Imagine you are reacting calmly when faced with the person or event. Mental imagery can prevent angry outbursts because it is oriented toward a more appropriate reaction.
· Recognize the precursors to anger. You must be aware of your anger meter. When it rises, take some distance and especially, be quiet.
· Recognize your areas of vulnerability. We all have subjects or people that make us touchy. Avoid relationships with people you don’t like and avoid discussions on subjects you consider delicate.
· Take a momentary retreat. Learn to step back and ask for a time our when you feel too emotional to carry on a discussion. A 20-minute break can be enough for you to calm down.
· Take time to breathe, deeply and calmly.
Finally, remember that anger has real power to take your intelligence away from you. Therefore, for how much time, how many times a day, are you willing to be less intelligent?
By Pierrette Desrosiers, M.Ps.
Work psychologist, speaker and business coach
pierrette@pierrettedesrosiers.com
www.pierrettedesrosiers.com
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