Regarding his 21-year old son and farm successor, a discouraged father confided in me, “I have to wake him four or five times to get him to do the milking. Sometimes I’m afraid of the fit he’s going to throw. What makes it even worse is that I have no choice if I want him to stay because I’ve invested hundreds of thousands of dollars into a more modern farm.”
The so-called “golden children” have always existed, but today their numbers are spreading like a virus. Afraid of bullying their children, parents have forgotten that imposed limits and authority are essential to their development and stability.
How does one recognize a golden child? He’s a manipulator who refuses to compromise. He is disdainful of authority and throws temper tantrums when he is frustrated. He has shown himself incapable of taking on responsibilities and constantly wants to be the centre of attention. Feeling guilty for not being present enough, afraid of not being loved, afraid of being rejected, of not having a strategy for preventing hysterics are all reasons why parents will give a child everything. Although parents always want the best for their children, some parents, however, have forgotten their first mission: that of being a parent.
Saying no to a child and setting high, yet realistic, age-appropriate standards is helping him to later become a mature and responsible adult, able to deal with life’s sometimes very difficult realities.
When I asked this father if he would accept this behaviour if it came from his employee rather than from his son, he replied immediately, “Never. He would be out the door. But I can’t allow my son to go elsewhere to work.” Yet, in several cases, even for not-so-golden children, working elsewhere and having a “real” boss is one of “real life’s” best learning experiences.
Let’s be honest, being your child’s employer is far from simple. Emotions sometimes replace reason. Of course, there is always the risk that the young person may not return to the farm. If that is the case, perhaps it is better that he leave now, rather than five years after the transfer of the business. Frankly, when I see some young people who must repeatedly be awakened to go to work, or who insist on having the most modern farm facilities right from the start, I wonder if they possess the necessary profile for a successful businessperson.
You can’t tell if someone is a golden child by his or her possessions, but rather by how the possessions are obtained. Golden children present a challenge in the school system, in the working environment and in the succession of any business.
Without a corrected attitude, a golden child will become a golden adult, whether as an employee or as a boss. In both cases, this is a major handicap for any business.
Remember that it all starts when the child is very small. Giving in to keep the peace is like the ostrich hiding its head in the sand and ignoring the problem. This little problem, however, can later become an insurmountable problem.
By Pierrette Desrosiers, M.Ps.
Work psychologist, speaker and business coach
pierrette@pierrettedesrosiers.com
www.pierrettedesrosiers.com
